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Archive for March, 2019

Enough is Enough: How to Break the Habit of Not Feeling Enough

Do you ever feel like you’re not enough?

Not good enough?

Not attentive enough?

Not giving enough?

Not smart enough?

Not successful enough?

It’s the feeling that leaves you feeling inadequate.

At home.

At work.

With your spouse.

With your kids.

With your friends.

It’s the feeling that you only have utilitarian value.

If you’re not giving or doing something useful, then you don’t matter.


It’s just an overall horrible feeling!


But what if you didn’t have to feel that way?


Well, you don’t have to feel that way.


You can break that pattern and these are some ways to do it.


Perform a Little “Brain Surgery.”

When you get the first twinge of not feeling enough, change the script.

You don’t control the first thought that comes into your head but you do control the second thought and every thought after that.

So…, the next time you have a thought of not being enough, refuse to let it take hold.

Don’t give the thought air time.

Change the subject.

Think of something else.

Energy follows attention.

If you don’t give the thought energy and attention it will gradually dissipate.

You’ll need to do this more than a few times to begin to rewire your brain.

Be patient and stick with it.


Stop Selling

Part of the not-enough syndrome is “overselling” your reasons for not doing something.

Avoid the tendency to explain, which will often come with a “but.”

‘I feel bad that I can’t do that, but…”

“I really wanted to, but…”

“I planned to do more, but…”

“I wish I could help, but…

All of these responses are an attempt to justify or “sell” the other person on why you’re not available.

The problem with selling is the other side has to “buy” what you’re saying.

Stop selling.

It only fuels the fire of inadequacy.

If you’re not available or you don’t have the time, just say so and leave it at that.


Don’t Get Caught Up in What Other People Need or Want

People don’t have needs to make you feel inadequate.

They have needs because, well, because they have needs.

Their needs are about them, not about you.

Just because someone needs something you’re not obligated to meet that need.

It’s not your job to solve the world’s problems, and you couldn’t even if you tried.

You may need to fight the urge to jump in with a solution when someone brings up an issue they have.

Avoiding volunteering when you’re not asked is the first step.

If you are asked to help you can always politely decline.


Stop Upping the Ante

Do you ever find yourself in this insidious mindset?

“I did ‘six’ but I could have done ‘seven.’”


“Other people do so much more.”

Maybe they do and maybe they don’t.

“Other people are so much more sacrificial.”

So what?

Who cares?

Would you try to motivate anyone else by constantly raising the bar?

If the answer is “no,” stop doing it to yourself.

Focus on what you have done, the contribution you have made, the time you have given and leave at that.



Give up Mind Reading

Oftentimes, the feelings of not being enough are accompanied by the belief that others think less of us if we’re not able to be or do what they want.

Unless you have the gift of telepathy, you don’t know what another person is thinking.

If you want to know how they think or feel about what you can or can’t do for them, you’ll have to ask.

The worst that will happen is they’ll be disappointed.

In my experience, no one ever died of being disappointed.


Change Your Goal

Here’s a radical idea.

What if you decided that being “enough” was no longer your goal?

What if the goal instead was to simply do the best you could realizing that even when you do your “best,” your best will always be good enough for somebody but not good enough for somebody else?

How freeing would it be to not have to anxiously await other people’s judgement of your worth?



Perhaps it’s time to change the way you’re feeling about yourself.

Perhaps is time to say “Enough is enough.”

Enough of comparing yourself to others.

Enough of basing your value on what you do or don’t do for others.

Enough of not feeling satisfied with the effort you give.

Enough of feeling manipulated or guilted into doing things.

Enough of feeling no matter what you do you could or should do more.

Enough of the anxiety you feel when you tell yourself your letting someone down.



Change starts by taking a new approach.

If the suggestions you have just read resonate, give them a try.

Not all these suggestions will work for you but some may.

It will take more than one attempt, but learning to break the not- enough cycle is worth it.

Doing so might allow you to begin to see that your “enough” really is “enough.”

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CTS Consulting, Inc

3126 Berkshire Road

Baltimore, Maryland 21214

phone 410-444-5857

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